
Let Go
Life changes based on decisions made. However, what is a decision without action? Does life change by thought alone? I mean, everything changes. So, why do we put so much pressure on ourselves?
On one hand is the pressure of resistance to change. It takes a lot of effort, resources, energy to push against the inevitable.
On the other hand, the pressure of controlled change which is also exhausting however prolongs the inevitable.
There comes a point, where it is imperative to face the resistance and begin unraveling the ball of control. Letting go is not always as simple as releasing the grip. Sometimes, it is a process. Life may not shift by thought alone, yet the thoughts are a good place to start the process.

To get to the action, take a look at the thoughts.
There are subtle and not so subtle ways of holding on.
The not so subtle are obvious. They are the conscious awareness of that which is being avoided or controlled.
Example: I was aware that I had said I was going to write and instead was spending a lot of time doing everything other than writing. I was also aware that I had said I would complete a writing project for a week.
The subtle are the interwoven stories interspersed over time that seem disconnected and contribute to foggy decisions, lack of action, dead ends, getting lost, avoidance, low motivation, procrastination, confusion, and stunted destiny looping. Stunted destiny looping is when you think that you are going along a new route, discovering something, or making a change yet instead are simple doing the same thing you have always done. At one point it was a red dress, now it’s a pink dress so you attempt to convince everyone and yourself that it has changed. Yes, it has and it IS still a dress. A color change is a parallel shift. This may be the shift needed, or the next small step to get to the next step, however if you have been changing the color of the dress when you need a jacket, at some point you have to stop shifting sideways and take the step toward the jacket.
It can be challenging to see clearly when you are “in it”. It helps to have external perspective and guidance. You can’t know what you do not yet know. Guidance will help you expand your perspective to realize that you keep putting on the same dress and the color change was from all of the years of wear. Guidance may also help you see that you are cold and ask you if you ever considered putting on a jacket. It’s amazing how well we ignore our truths, that which is obvious and convince ourselves of stories that are simply not helpful and sometimes not even true.
Remember to be gentle, yet truthful with the self. In order to begin to see the truth, requires letting go of the distractions, opening the windows, and cleaning the mirrors.
Create space to reflect.

Mirrors
The objects in the mirror are closer than they appear.

What you look out and see may appear to be far away, out there, someone else, yet… it is closer than it appears. It may be that the reflection is not actually “out there” however "in here". Look within first. Those around and the situations of life show the self where you are at and what you may be being given an opportunity to work on. It is always right here showing itself. To see it, make the connections. See where you are convincing yourself that what you are doing is a new improved change. Consider, maybe it’s not.
Do you need inspiration or remembrance? What if what you consider a new level of understanding is in reality "temporary amnesia"?
Example: As an avid journaling scribe I have been writing and writing for over thirty years my life. At one point in time, I went back to some earlier journals and began reading. There were endless loops of the same story playing out in different circumstances. Each circumstance seemed so different at the time. In retrospection, it was not. It was the dress. I needed a jacket. Yet, I kept putting on the dress and telling myself it was new. With each circumstance there were profound awarenesses that I had forgotten. So, with each rotation around the story, it felt like a whole new level with new wisdom that was growing from one stage to the next. Yet, I was simply restating the same point thirty different ways. I sat there after having read these stories realizing I was just regurgitating the same lesson over and over again. With that came a curiosity, am I still doing that now? Have I actually grown? How do I move past the loop that seems like a new story every time I start again? What is beyond this?

Things happen and we are generally so distracted with all of the finite details, filling the space with so much intrusion data, that we temporarily bypass and instantly forget – all of it! I write everything down. Had I not had those journals, I would have lived life continually convincing myself and everyone else of a new brilliant revelation that was inherently just the same old story. I wondered, did I actually convince anyone that I had a new dress? Were they buying the story?
It is important to know; It’s NOT NEW!
It’s recycled information and at one point of your existence, you already knew it, learned it, realized it, experienced it, mastered it and likely…. FORGOT…. Because you were distracted and not fully present.
NOW…. If you are reading this, you are waking up to this consideration and truth.

Remembering is not grasping or holding on. It is letting go of the strong hold enough to gain perspective beyond the same lens you have been viewing all of the aspects of your life through. It’s easy to see. Look at what you are controlling that is not changing, what bothers your senses, what you judge about yourself, and what/who you blame. Listen to people around you. What keeps you up at night. What is the little lie you are telling yourself. What about what you defend yourself against and hide from others. Pay attention to your reactions. You know, those infamous triggers.
It is here that you will be challenged. The challenge is to face the issue and hold steady. It is to recognize the false story you have told yourself and bought into. It is the illusion that you are so deeply wanting to hold onto. Because… if you let go, you shatter your reality. You turn everything up side down. The truth: what appears to be upright is actually upside down. So, if you want to make it right, it’s got to be flipped.
What most will do is fight to hold on rather than let go of what has been. They will take all of the actions that confirm the belief while attempting to convince the self and others that the solution is an actual change when it’s actually a destiny loop. They will do anything and everything to defend it. They will say they want to lose weight yet continue sitting on the couch.

Let’s consider that Lilia discovers she has a limiting belief that she is not worthy, valuable, or enough and that brings up scarcity thinking. Survival mode is comfortable and has also been a motivating factor for her in the past. She makes changes and builds momentum in areas of her life that feel good and then sabotages her efforts and finds herself back in survival mode. It’s the classic 5 steps forward 10 back syndrome. All of her actions stem from survival, scarcity, low self-worth, and feelings of not being valuable, worthy or enough. She has done some work on herself and is cognitively aware that she feels and thinks this way. She has even done work to reframe the belief. She talks about the old belief like it was part of her past and tells people when she catches herself in the present falling into that old belief. She convinces herself that she has a grip on identifying it, yet she continues to take actions that affirm the old belief.
Here is a short story to demonstrate this:
Lilia was stuck in a job that she did not find meaningful. She wanted to make a shift and find something that gave her freedom, independence, and was in alignment with her values. She took the Giant Leap and quit her job eager to build something meaningful. She considered the possibilities of what she could do next. Lilia valued her freedom of time and saw how others were building independent businesses using their creative gifts and talents. Inspired, she realized that she too had gifts she could share. As she began to consider and build her dream life, she approached the edge of her comfort zone, fear crept in. Deep down, Lilia believed she wasn’t worthy or enough. The new vision felt vulnerable and uncomfortable for it asked her to step out and be seen which brought up many of her self judgements, perceived inadequacies, and limitations. She told her self that she is too old, she is out of shape, she doesn’t have the qualifications, and other self-critical excuses began to appear. She started procrastinating her efforts to build her vision. In the space she created from procrastination, other life circumstances unfolded which gave her options to further distract. She avoided stepping out for herself to show up for the others in the name of service.
She knew she had a scarcity mindset and often undervalued herself as she frequently told people how she used to be in scarcity mindset and had done a lot of work to move past it. This awareness however was at the level of the mind and therefore she had not integrated the lesson. Therefore, these beliefs quietly controlled her. She did not make the connection that the other issues that showed up were a distraction tactic conveniently cloaking the limiting beliefs. They gave her a reason to stay in her comfort zone. In fact, that was her excuse loop.
Opportunities arose, but she avoided them, making excuses. She blamed others, external circumstances, her health, and her past. Because she did not believe she was worthy, valuable, or enough, she avoided, sabotaged, misunderstood, or completely missed those opportunities. She wanted to control how they looked in order to uphold the false belief. The opportunities were not a quick fix, yet if Lilia followed them, they would affirm a new belief. Because she had not made the connection and learned the lesson to receive the gift, when they showed up in a way that did not fit the moldy old belief, she dismissed them and busied the present with repetitively telling the story of the past and making hollow promises for the future. Time slipped away, and with it, her momentum.
Lilia silently compared herself to others, hiding, she convinced she could never measure up. Desperate to feel “enough,” Lilia sought support, inspiration, and training, pouring money and energy into programs, self-help books, classes, degrees, and certifications that would give her a sense of value and worth. Because she was looking through the lens of her limiting beliefs, she continued to overlook and sabotage opportunities. Even when all of the signs were showing her and those around her were point it out, she couldn’t see it. She continued chattering about the same dramas in her life, retelling the same timeline of events over and over. So, nothing changed.
Time passes, money dwindles, and desperation increases. Ideas she once felt passionate about began to fade. She feels jaded and taken advantage of for having given value to others that did not live up to her expectations and prove her worthy. Panic sparked motivation. Desperate, she began trying to force action. Same action, same result. Nothing changed.
As she realized that she was down to her last $5 with not enough money to pay rent the next month, she slipped from desperation into full survival. At first, she wanted to make fast desperate action to quickly get out of scarcity and survival into safety. She was aware that her external reality was showing her that she had limited resources and limited options (not enough) and that nothing had worked out (not worthy). At this moment, she felt like this awareness was new. She celebrated herself for having noticed it.
This was a crucial point for her. It was at this juncture where she had a choice to either challenge the limiting belief by taking action that would affirm a new belief, or follow the destiny loop. As she contemplated her next action, Lilia convinced herself to return to the familiar safety of a job. She told herself that once she got onto safe ground, she would be in a position to build her vision. Offered a job, she takes the bait and just like that the threat is removed. As her paycheck provided stability, she told herself it was the right decision—that survival came first. Yet beneath her relief, “I’m not enough,” embedded deeper into her subconscious as Lilia made promises to herself that she would build her dream when…….
Feeling good she begins telling others and herself that she has a new dress!
Others can see that her dress has faded and her soul is cold.

The missing link is recognizing that this whole process stemmed from a limiting belief and noticing how that limiting belief plays out in all aspects of her life. To face it, is to catch it at the root, understand the lesson and take actions that CHALLENGE the limiting belief. Actions that affirm the limiting belief will only further reinforce it.
It will come around again and at some point, it becomes time to face the inevitable.
The majority of people choose to succumb to their limiting belief, it’s easier and more comfortable. The few are the ones who will tear off the dress and strip themselves down to the vulnerable uncomfortable bare naked to face it. They may resist and fight it yet they take the action that challenges the limiting belief. Some can’t help it. Others, which is most, will continue to put the dress on and get the job. Some will sell their belongings and move into their van to build their dream. Most will continue to do the same thing and fade into the sunset like the old dress. This is not about better or worse, right or wrong. It is about comfort. For the path to the jacket is risky, riddled with fear, and unknowns. It is uncomfortable. Upside down and covered in thicket.
Those who have removed the old skin sing from the other side...
“Let go! let go! Release your grip to find the flow!
Let go! let go! Your soul is ready to expand and grow!
Let go! Let go! Curiously explore the mysterious unknown!"
Hold steady, face the limiting belief, feel the uncomfortable feeling to discover the way through. The way through, is the unknown.

In Lilia’s example, she feels satisfied because there is temporary relief from facing the inevitable. She goes to the known. This sometimes looks like treading along familiar trade routes and grooves that travel along old pathways. Sooner or later, however, presents an opportunity to face the self in the mirror and deeply listen within. In order to do this means being willing to actually let go of the limiting belief and that requires CHALLENGING it with ACTIONS that affirm a new belief.
Most prefer to stay attached to the limiting belief,
BECAUSE IT’S COMFORTABLE.
Even when they say they want to let it go.
It’s a security blanket.
Therefore, consider what you are holding onto because you are simply NOT willing to let it go.
“Attachment is suffering”
Living without attachment means being WILLING to let it go. Sometimes, this means our dreams as much as it means the stuff that has sucked.
You say, “How do I let go? It’s so hard!” No, no it’s not!
What is hard is breaking the attachment with the security blanket of your old limiting belief.

Letting go is not forgetting, bypassing, or ignoring. There can be a conscious, purposeful intention with it. In letting go, circumstances can be brought into gratitude and we can become open to ourselves beyond our limiting beliefs. There is a suppleness in letting go. Through softening we open and this is precisely the point where change becomes possible and the loop elevates into a spiral staircase that winds up the consciousness into a spot way above it all where the full big picture can be seen with complete clarity.
This is where, one says, “AHA, ALAS!”
It may be a spontaneous arising. Yet likely it will be little by little over time and less grandiose. Learning is a process of repetition. Be patient and persevere!
The process to get there is not by effort. It is by surrender. For the next 16 days, look for opportunities to let go of what you are clinging to that is really not serving your highest most benevolent good in the first place. To let it go first requires noticing what it is.
Begin to see the old faded dress.
Begin to recognize where your soul is cold and malnourished.
Notice what you are overfeeding and what is starved.
Begin to rebalance that. From there, open the windows and clean the mirrors. Identify the story, habit, person, place, circumstance that you have convinced yourself is a certain way because…… whether it be good or bad, that you are holding ever so tightly onto. From there, practice letting go.
How?
Just drop it! Take off the old faded dress and Walk Away!
As we move through this current phase, if you want support in identifying your limiting beliefs, old stories and seeing beyond, consider signing up for a series of 10 illumination coaching sessions. I will help you see it and make the connection so that you can discover the actions that are reinforcing the old story and which ones will help affirm a new one.
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